


Meeting Death Himself

by whores_lies



Category: VIXX
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Murder, Psychological Drama, Sexual Assault, Tragedy, hakyeon is insane, idol life ruined, match the two together and it's an abomination, taekwoon is insane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-08-30 04:05:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16757341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whores_lies/pseuds/whores_lies
Summary: A shattered soul who wants to end their life lures in a dark soul that dreams of ending one.They were a match made in hell.





	1. Downfall

"Cha Hakyeon, how do you plead?"

"Not guilty."

Hakyeon's eyes glimmered beneath the lights, eyes brimming with tears. He prayed that God would be on his side just this once - that the truth would be revealed.

 

* * *

 

**Headline:**  Woman allegedly raped by idol at Jellyfish Entertainment.  
**Breaking news:**  Cha Hakyeon, leader of famous korean boy group VIXX convicted of rape.

  

"The allegations of the rape case has now been solved.  
Cha Hakyeon has been arrested for the rape of Kim Minnie."

  
Netizens:  
  
1\. [+950, -231] Fucking disgusting trash. I hope he dies and rots in jail. 

2\. [+763, -116] It just shows to say you can never trust someone's sweet looking face like his.

3\. [+745, -102] He is a rapist. He isn't your oppa anymore. He will forever be a rapist and he will hold account to that.

4\. [+255, -25] This is heartbreaking to see. Cha Hakyeon is such a hardworking leader who dotes on his members, loves his family and respects people. Part of me wonders if this is even true...?

5\. [+204, -15] I will always be on Hakyeon oppa's side. I believe in him.

6\. [+44, - 6] I bet it was that nasty bitch who came onto oppa.

 

* * *

  
Cha Hakyeon was sentenced with 10 years in prison.   
 

Prison life was no doubt painfully difficult. 

He was an idol. A celebrity many were fond of. He sung with all his heart, danced with his entire soul, and was always true to himself.  
Months earlier, VIXX had yet another successful comeback. It was all done with hard work filled with passion and love.  
A celebration was, of course, very much needed for all 6 members with the entire staff of Jellyfish Entertainment.   
Lots of delicious food and snacks were brought in, everyone had a couple of drinks. Hakyeon remembered having a little too much than he should have. He remembered being brought into a room. His eyelids felt heavy and he could barely keep his eyes open. He stumbled back and forth as a strong grip on his arm held him in place.  
He remembered hearing Taekwoon's soft, concerned voice. "Hakyeon, stay here, okay? I'll get you some water."  
And he also remembered hearing Taekwoon leave, his footsteps quick on the wooden floor....And then - And then what?  
Hakyeon could not remember, other than hearing the creak of an opened door, feeling cold hands sliding along his clothed chest and hearing mumbles of "no" and "please stop". 

Hakyeon woke up the next morning with high-pitched screams and panicked shouts ringing in his ears. He forced his heavy eyes open and all he saw was Kim Minnie being wrapped in a coat by one of the stylists. She had bruises on her wrists and on her neck.

Hakyeon looked down and saw his own naked body.

 

+  
Lights out at prison were at 10pm.

Hakyeon was afraid of sleeping.  
Like clockwork, he often woke up screaming in the middle of the night the same time as always. Each nightmare of his seemed to be a significant clue of that dreaded night. 

Hakyeon did not want to fall asleep. The nightmares were both physically and mentally painful. He just was not ready for the truth.  
Even if he tried to convince himself that he would have never laid hands on another, drunk or sober, there were too much evidence that led to only one conclusion - Cha Hakyeon is a rapist.  
  
  
One of the more positive things of prison, however, was that Hakyeon was allowed to watch TV.  
The younger members appeared more often with live stages of their recent comeback. Hakyeon would watch them with so much joy and pride.  
VIXX. 5 members, and no longer 6.  
Each of them holding such a powerful presence on stage that it seemed so normal for it to be so - That it was always just meant to be the five of them.  
Hakyeon watched, silent, as they sung with passion, and danced with ease.  
Beneath the joy and pride that Hakyeon felt for his members, bitter envy slowly brewed within him. 

The members' regular visits were also one of the few things that kept Hakyeon sane.They never spoke a word of the incident. They were afraid it'd break Hakyeon even more.

Instead, they'd tell him stories of each other.

Jaehwan still kept his bag full of snacks, and eats them backstage despite having to go live in a couple of minutes. Hongbin and Hyuk were still the mischievous duo, and Wonsik's love for his adorable French bulldog grew more and more each day.

"We miss you." They'd tell him, and Hakyeon would smile, gently and lovingly, and whisper that he does too. 

Taekwoon was the only member that did not visit him until 2 years later. 

 

Sat opposite each other, neither of them spoke for a long while. Finally, Taekwoon's voice cracked.

"I...couldn't bring myself to see you."

Hakyeon remained silent.

Taekwoon shifted in his seat, eyes on everything except for Hakyeon himself. Tongued tied, the singer faltered over his words, unable to gather the strength to speak until the coherent words "I'm sorry" spilled out.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't defend you." Taekwoon paused for a minute, his sight now blurred with tears as he choked out, "I'm sorry it took me so long to see you again."

Hakyeon's fists clenched, and his lips parted. "Jung Taekwoon." His voice is soft, but strained, as though it pained him to speak of the name. "Leo, the lion. King of the jungle."

Taekwoon slowly lifted his head to finally meet the eyes of his lifelong friend. His tears streamed down his cheeks and pattered onto his jeans.

Hakyeon leaned in closely. "I love you. Never forget."  
With that, he stood up, face blank, as he was led back to his station.

Taekwoon watched Hakyeon's retreating back and slumped in his seat, unable to stop the stream of tears.

 

Hakyeon's nightmare that night was more painful than anything.

 

 

_7 years later_

Hakyeon was released 3 years earlier than his sentenced time.

When he finally, _finally_ came home, Jaehwan bought cake.  
A sweet potato cake - Hakyeon's favourite. Group hugs were shared, and so were tears.  

The apologies never stopped.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry we couldn't defend you."

"We believed in you, hyung. We always have. I'm sorry we failed to protect you."

Hakyeon knew that their apologies were sincere. He knew that the guilt they bore accumulated even more over the years, despite already apologizing for the past 7 years.  
Hakyeon simply smiled that motherly smile of his, pained but genuine, and brought all of them closer, arms wrapped tight around whatever he could hold onto. He prayed that none of them would fall trap to the same situation ever in their lifetime. 

"It's okay," he reassured, and buried his face in the crook of Jaehwan's neck. "I'm home now." 

And as they sat there together, huddled around Hakyeon, the members looked seemingly anxious as though they were afraid of losing their beloved leader once more.

It didn't occur to the younger members that one of them was missing.

Hakyeon, resting his cheek on Jaehwan's shoulder chewed at his fingernail, eyes glancing over the members as he counted quietly. 

One, two, three, four-

 

Jung Taekwoon was nowhere to be found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I've wrote anything, so please excuse all grammatical errors and whatnot.
> 
> Clearly, this is also not a very fun story. But if you're here to get your mind blown, stay tuned!


	2. Delusion

Two months after his release, things just could not return back to normal for Hakyeon.

 

It wasn't the same. 

After spending far too many wasted years in prison, Hakyeon found it difficult to revert back to his normal lifestyle. Continuing the idol life was no longer an option. His reputation was smashed to pieces, impossible to be pieced back together again. Hakyeon could therefore only resort to either having a small job, or being unemployed.

 

His desire and wish to sing and dance on stage again were now dreams once more - just as it was before he debuted. Now, however, they will forever remain as dreams and memories.

 

"It's okay," Hakyeon whispered under his breath as he stared eye to eye with his mirror reflection. The dark ring around his eyes and his bloody lips said otherwise. Hakyeon was not okay. Things were not okay no matter how hard he tried to convince himself.

The younger members also did everything they could to ease his worries. 

But they were not simply worries.  
The man had no ambitions. No motivation. No hope. No life.  
He was a fucking disaster of a human.  
All he had were his recurring nightmares and the strength of screaming in fear at the top of his lungs in the dead of the night.

 

Every night, it played out like this.

The screams don't come first. The tossing and turning does.  
And then the biting of his lips until it bleeds non-stop. His eyes would snap open, then the screams come.  
  
Hongbin is always the first to rush to his side when it happens. Hakyeon could cry and cry for hours, held tightly in the arms of one of the members who was the least tired.  
The same words would spew from between his red lips, like a mantra,  
_"It wasn't me. It wasn't me. It wasn't me!"_

And when the terror was over, Hakyeon fall back asleep. His eyes were red and sore from the tears, and his lips scarred.

 

Hakyeon's own trauma was evidence that he did not commit the crime that very night. It was a sin that he selflessly paid for despite his innocence. They knew from the very beginning. They begged everyone to believe that their innocent leader would never commit such an offense. They did everything they could to defend Hakyeon and to prove his innocence, but to no avail.

If only Hakyeon's parents had as much faith in him as they did.  
Their trust in him were very much divided His father could not handle the news. The words, "You're no longer my son" came out of his mouth on the day he first and last visited Hakyeon in prison.  
His mother cried more than Hakyeon ever did. Though she wanted to believe him, how could she? All evidence provided by forensics and the judge pointed to him being the only sole criminal. That he and Kim Minnie were alone in the room together, both drunk. He threw her to the ground, held her down, and fucked into her like she was a rag doll. Witnesses had apparently heard her scream for him to stop many times - though that was not solid evidence. After all, why had they not stop him if they heard her scream for help?

His sisters are kind-hearted souls that believed in Hakyeon much as his members do. They visited him during his prison years, and upon his return, embraced him tight. They offered him to come visit their children, but Hakyeon painfully rejected. 

He could not bear to face his dearest nephews and niece, afraid of what they were to think. He already tainted their image of their perfect uncle. That was more than enough harm done.

 

+

5 months from his return, Hakyeon still had not seen Taekwoon. At least not face to face.

"He moved out not long after...it all happened." Wonsik explained quietly. "We phone him regularly to make sure he's doing fine. We see him at schedules, too. But other than that, it's as though he doesn't exist."

Jaehwan continued, "We try visiting him, but he won't let us in."

 

Hakyeon received Taekwoon's number from Hongbin. He'd phoned him just as often and sent multiple messages per day. Most times Taekwoon would not pick up, but when he did, the conversations never lasted more than 5 minutes. Taekwoon always seemed to be in a hurry, but Hakyeon knew he was simply avoiding him.

_Why?_ Hakyeon wondered.

He was sat on the balcony chair, knees pulled to his chest and a cigarette in hand. The smoke exhaled between his lips as he gazed over the city lights in the night. Though his lungs burned with each breath, it was his only source of comfort. He now knew why his father was a heavy smoker.  
Sometimes more pain is preferred to less when all you've ever known is being hurt.

A hole scorched through his jeans from the spark of the tobacco, but Hakyeon barely paid attention to it. His eyes brimmed with tears.

_It hurts._ He thought to himself as he buried his face in his knees. _It really hurts._

_You are a waste of space, Cha Hakyeon._

_You are nothing but a nuisance._

_You stay in a home that you don't belong to._

_You are not happy._ _You should just no longer exist._

_You -_

_should die._

He froze, and his mind went blank for a moment.

 

_I...want to die._ Hakyeon concluded.

 

In this moment when Hakyeon had nothing to hope for living, he had found the best, and only solution.

_Death_. It was an escape from the never-ending torment.

How wonderful!

Hakyeon gazed upon the city lights once more. If he were to jump off this very balcony, would he die? 

Maybe. It'd be a quick way to die, too, if the impact was hard enough. Hakyeon shuddered as he backed away from the railing. He had almost forgotten how afraid he was of heights.

Hakyeon went to bed with a heavy heart. Tomorrow, he'll figure out a way to die. Painlessly.

 

On that very night, however, the truth was finally revealed.

The moment Hakyeon awoke from his torturous sleep, he screamed for Taekwoon.

Within less than a second, the members came rushing in. Hakyeon immediately stood up, eyes darting from side to side, breathing heavily. "Taekwoon? Where- Where are you? Taekwoon, where? Why are you-"

Wonsik held the leader up firmly as he flailed, screaming for the singer. Sanghyuk cupped his cheeks, attempting to bring Hakyeon back to his senses.   

The night ended with Hakyeon refusing to fall back asleep.

 

Hongbin checked in on Hakyeon the next morning with a mug of tea. He pushed opened the door. What he saw was Hakyeon crouched over his desk, scribbling furiously. 

He knocked on the door. The pen fell from Hakyeon's fingers before he slowly turned around.

"Hey," Honbin said softly, before making his way towards the other. "How are you feeling?"

"...Peachy." 

_Doesn't look like it._ Hongbin mused to himself. He had noticed that Hakyeon's dark circles were much worse than before. 

Hongbin set the mug down on the desk, glancing at the sheet of paper Hakyeon was busily writing on not a few minutes ago. "What are you writing?"

Scrunching the paper in his hands quickly, Hakyeon's eyes darkened. "Nothing."

Hongbin's brows furrowed, but he paid no mind. "I uh. No- We - Jaehwan, Wonsik, Sanghyuk and I - just wanted to tell you that...you don't have to worry."

Hakyeon tilted his head.

"We know you worry too much. And with the circumstances now, it's even harder for you. But we just wanted to reassure you that we are fine with you staying here in the dorm."

The surprise look on Hakyeon's face had Hongbin smile a little. "Your presence is not annoying to us or whatever your brain tells you it is. We are happy that you are back. This is VIXX's home, right, hyung? Our home. You said this when we all moved in together.  Even if you aren't participating in VIXX's activities now, VIXX will always be the 6 of us no matter what."

"But Taekwoon isn't here."

Hongbin was taken by surprise by the rather unexpected response. "He is always welcome to come back. When he wants to."

Hakyeon kept his gazed fixated on the crumpled ball of paper in his hand. "You're right. Thank you." 

Hongbin flashed another small, reassuring smile. "Drink the tea. It'll help with your appetite."

Just as he was about to leave the room, Hakyeon called out. 

"Hey, Hongbin?" Hakyeon scrambled out of his chair, as though in a rush. "His address. What is it?"

Hongbin lifted his head to meet eyes with the older. "Who?"

"Taekwoon."

 

With the address written on a paper in hand, and his bag over his shoulders, Hakyeon headed towards the door.

"Hyung." Wonsik reached out to gently squeeze Hakyeon's hand. "Before you go, I'd warn you that Taekwoon hyung really...isn't himself lately."

Hakyeon turned to face him, eyebrows raised.

"It hit him the hardest, you know," Wonsik continued quietly. "We all took the blame for even allowing this to happen - for you to end up like this. But Taekwoon hyung- He...He blamed himself the most."

Hakyeon cast his gaze downwards. The words that came out of his mouth next were anything but genuine. "I'm sure he did."

 

+

Taekwoon came home to Hakyeon waiting for him outside his apartment door.

The groceries in his hands fell to the ground.

 

"You should have called me first," Taekwoon mumbled. They were in the apartment now. Hakyeon sat by the kitchen counter while Taekwoon unpacked his groceries.

"You won't pick up."

"Then a message."

"You wouldn't have read it."

"I would."

"Ah, so you do read my messages. You just never want to reply."

Taekwoon froze for a second before he continued to place the milk in the fridge. "That's not it, Hakyeon.."

"Why are you avoiding me, Taekwoon?"

Slamming the fridge shut, Taekwoon breathed in sharply. "I'm not." He lied through his teeth.

Hakyeon wasn't having any of it. "You visited me twice within the 7 years I spent in prison. Now I've been back 5 months, all you do is ignore my calls and messages, and lie to my face when I finally see you?"

"...I'm sorry. Why are you here?"

"To see you," Hakyeon stated. "Can't I?"

"There's something else, isn't there?" Taekwoon glanced over nervously. 

There laid the problem of lifelong friends. Even if there were secrets to hide, it was never easy to hide that there was a secret.

Hakyeon hummed. "I want to kill myself."

Taekwoon's knuckles turned white as he gripped on the counter. He used every strength of his to hold himself up. "What?"

"I want to kill myself," Hakyeon repeated. "Die. You'll help me with that, won't you Taekwoonie?"

"No. No...Why would I help you kill yourself, Hakyeon?" Taekwoon was bewildered by Hakyeon's daring statement. "I would never-"

With a tilt of his head, Hakyeon interrupted. "It was your fault that I went to prison."

Taekwoon's eyes widened and he immediately shook his head. "No! No! Who are you? What have you done to Hakyeon? Hakyeon would never say anything like this-"

"I've changed, Taekwoon. It's not surprising." Hakyeon was getting impatient. "7 years of prison does wonders."

"I'm not going to kill you because you want to." 

"You don't have a choice. You-" Hakyeon paused mid-sentence, eyebrows slowly furrowing. "What is that smell?"

"What?"

"That awful, rotten smell. Do you smell it?"

"No." Taekwoon's reply was quick. "It's probably nothing. Look, just. Just stay here. I'm...going to the bathroom."

 

It wasn't even minutes later when he came out. But Hakyeon already wasn't by the kitchen counter.

"Hakyeon?" Taekwoon panicked as he rushed from room to room. He soon found him sitting on his bed, staring at the closet.

Taekwoon's heart plummeted.

Hakyeon slowly turned to face him, and his lips parted. "You're fucked in the mind, Jung Taekwoon."

"I told you to stay in the kitchen."

"How do you live with such a smell coming from your closet?"

"Leave it."

"Who is it?"

Taekwoon shook his head. "Nobody. It was a Halloween prop."

"Don't lie to me again, Jung Taekwoon," Hakyeon hissed. "There was an entire  _dead fucking body_ in your closet. Why- Why?!"

"It was for Hal-"

"I _said_ don't lie to me again!"

Taekwoon threw his arms into the air in frustration. "I killed her! I killed her, okay, Hakyeon? Is that what you wanted to hear? Does it make you happy that I killed somebody? I did it for you, anyway. You might as well fucking appreciate it while you're here."

Hakyeon stared with his eyes wide in disbelief. "What?"

"I killed her for you," Taekwoon blurted. "She laughed every time she read about you in the papers. She was happy about your sentence. I couldn't stand it. So I killed her."

Hakyeon's lips quivered. "But-"

"She deserved the same ending as Minnie," Taekwoon spat.

"I- I don't understand-"

"You read the news, right? 3 years ago, Minnie committed suicide. The news covered it. Poor girl couldn't handle the trauma of being raped so she killed herself. Except- Except, here's the best part, Hakyeon. It wasn't suicide. I killed her. For you, Hakyeon."

"For...me."

"Yes! You're innocent. I know you are. They didn't deserve to live and be happy."

"And for what? Revenge? On my behalf?" Hakyeon questioned, perplexed. "Did you think this would make me happy?"

Taekwoon was silent now. 

"I don't want their death. I never asked for it." Hakyeon breathed heavily. "If you could kill them, you can kill me too."

Yet another shake of his head. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Death calls upon those who are fulfilled."

"Meaning?"

"...I relish killing only those who are already happy," Taekwoon explained softly.

Hakyeon's eyes gleamed under the dim light. "Then make me happy, Jung Taekwoon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's written so terribly. This chapter is just a whole mess.


	3. Destruction

Hakyeon decided to stay in Taekwoon's home. 

Taekwoon didn't have much of a choice. Hakyeon showed up to his door with a haversack over his shoulder, as well as several other bags.  
"Won't you let me stay with you, Taekwoonie?" Hakyeon tilted his head to the side, bangs falling over his eyes. Taekwoon noticed the heavy eye-bags and the dark circles- He couldn't say no.

Taekwoon did ask why he decided to leave the dorm, and Hakyeon only mumbled in reply under his breath.

"I don't deserve their kindness."

Taekwoon's first response was to refute to that statement. Hakyeon deserved all the good in the world. However, he paused before a single word came out of his mouth.  
If Hakyeon says he didn't deserve the younger members' kindness, then what did it mean for Hakyeon to stay with him?  
Was Taekwoon...not kind enough? Was it on purpose that he--No. No. He was just overthinking.  
The singer felt his heart thump against his rib-cage. Breathing suddenly felt much harder to do. He painfully forced himself to shrug the thought away.  
No. It was just because Hakyeon trusted him. It had to be.

 _I didn't do anything wrong._ Taekwoon thought.

  
Still as a well-known idol, Taekwoon had a relatively busy schedule: including live performances for their comeback, as well as musicals.  
Singing. Dance practice. Singing. Dance practice. Writing lyrics. More singing. More dancing. More practice.  
Throughout, Hakyeon was always there to greet him whenever he came home. A warm, cooked meal would be set neatly on the kitchen counter.  
The days Taekwoon came home to find Hakyeon fast asleep on the couch, the cooked dishes Hakyeon prepared were wrapped nicely and placed in the fridge.  
Hakyeon would wake within seconds though, from hearing the click sound of the door being unlocked whenever the singer came home.  
During those nights, more often than not, Taekwoon would step in to see Hakyeon pointing at the door with a kitchen knife in hands. 

It was no surprise the members panicked instantly when Hakyeon disappeared from the dorm. Most of his belongings were missing as well.  
"He's staying with me." Taekwoon reassured them.  
A sigh of relief drew out from the younger members.  
"He left without saying anything," Wonsik said, brows furrowed together. "We knew he felt uncomfortable being with us - felt like he was being a burden."  
"Even though he's definitely not," Hongbin interjected quickly. "You know, hyung...We may all have been close to Hakyeon hyung in the past, but you're special. He always relied on you the most."  
Taekwoon knew that. For the most part, he was always Hakyeon's shoulder to both cry and lean on.

Now that Hakyeon was far beyond broken, Taekwoon held the responsibility of fixing him.

 

+  
Taekwoon woke up one night from the sounds of rustling and the creak of the wooden floor beneath heavy footsteps. Groggily, he opened his eyes. The image before him sent him jolting awake, gasping in shock. He clambered out of the couch, backing away far quickly than he has ever done so.

Hakyeon was standing by the side of the couch where he slept, the very same knife gripped tightly in his hold.

"H-Hakyeon? What are you doing?" Taekwoon eyed the tool in the other's hand, feet ready to take off if something were to happen. "Was..the bed too uncomfortable for you?" He asked carefully, too afraid to address the elephant in the room.  
The knife clattered onto the floor and Taekwoon flinched.  
Hakyeon lifted his head, revealing tears pooling in his eyes.  
"Sleep with me."

They both ended up in bed together, Hakyeon clinging onto Taekwoon with all his strength. It was hard to breathe, but Taekwoon could only hold Hakyeon closer. Even if he had almost just soiled his own pants from the situation before, he hoped Hakyeon would at least feel safer in his arms.  
  
Within an hour, Hakyeon fell asleep.  Taekwoon traced the the features on his face with his index finger - from his forehead, over the bridge of the nose, down to his plump, cracked lips. His breathing was slow, and steady.  
Burying his nose in the crook of Hakyeon's neck, Taekwoon's breath hitched. Hakyeon smelt sweet - like fresh cherries, and he looked so, very alluring beneath the moonlight seeping through the cracks of the bedroom curtain.

Deep asleep, Hakyeon shifted slightly, his hold around Taekwoon becoming loose. Taekwoon only gripped tighter.

 

Taekwoon stepped out of his bedroom the next morning. The knife left on the floor last night was no where to be found.  
"You're late." A voice spoke up, and Taekwoon noticed his manager sitting by the counter. "Hurry up and get dressed. The rest are waiting for you."  
"Busy day for the busy idol." Hakyeon sung song as he held up a plate of egg on toast towards the other. Grabbing the toast, Taekwoon chewed on it in a hurry as he was pulled out the door.  
Hakyeon waved goodbye from the entrance.

 

In their designated waiting room, the members of VIXX sat on the couch, stuffing their faces with food. Excluding Taekwoon.  
"Aren't you eating?" Hongbin asked, a little baffled. It was a rare sight to see Taekwoon without any food in his mouth.  
"About Hakyeon at night...," Taekwoon said instead, voice soft.  
Hongbin turned to look at him. "Ah, the nightmares? It's PTSD, the doctor said. Hakyeon hyung suffers from nightmares every night. He usually wakes around 4, screaming. It really hurts for us, too, just listening to him screaming in pain."  
Taekwoon chewed on his bottom lip. "He hasn't had any nightmares at my place though."  
A look of confusion flashed upon the other's face, before his eyes lit up. "Wait. Really? That's good news. He must be getting better. Maybe Hakyeon hyung sleeping in the home of his lifelong friend must be more comforting than anything else."  
Taekwoon licked his lips nervously. "Has he ever...been violent?"  
"No." Hongbin's reply was quick and assertive. He frowned. "Why do you ask?"  
Taekwoon shook his head. "No reason."

 

Taekwoon went home at 3 in the morning. Hakyeon was still awake, standing by the door while wrapped tightly in Taekwoon's blankets.  
"Sleep with me." His voice was weak. Hakyeon looked smaller and more pitiful than ever.

In bed, body against body, legs tangled together, Taekwoon pressed a kiss to Hakyeon's forehead when he had just fallen asleep.  
Taekwoon's large hand cupped Hakyeon's cheek, thumb stroking his sunken cheeks. _Strange_ , he thought.  
Taekwoon had been eating well the past few weeks. In fact, he'd be eating much more, and healthier too due to Hakyeon's regular cooking. Yet the man himself who cooked seemed to have barely ate anything.  
Taekwoon felt a twinge in his heart. Hakyeon looked so miserable and in pain just sleeping.  
He leaned in to press another kiss upon Hakyeon's lips. "I'm sorry." He whispered.

Unbeknownst to Taekwoon, Hakyeon was wide awake. 

 

* * *

   _17 months since Hakyeon's release_

There was progress.  
Large, happy, progress.

It started from small smiles. Genuine, but quick to disappear. The happiness never lasted more than a few seconds.

Then, Hakyeon ate. Taekwoon brought back chicken soup one night, and Hakyeon ate every single spoonful. Soups then turned into solid foods, which Hakyeon started off by nibbling.  
His appetite came back soon enough, and Hakyeon ate just like everyone else. Taekwoon was delighted.

A year and a half passed, and there was no longer a dull look on Hakyeon's face. His sun-kissed skin glowed, and his adorable round, rosy cheeks were prominent once again. He looked brighter. Healthier. He spoke more too - perhaps even as much as he used to before the incident. At some point, there was no need for the both of them to share the same bed.

But it was routine by then.  
The two found solace in each other's embrace. It was something they both did not want to stop doing.

  
And then, came the day Hakyeon's smile finally reached his eyes that crinkled with such immense joy. Taekwoon felt his heart soar with happiness. He, himself, had a smile on his face.  
Hakyeon looked breathtaking. How could one not feel such bliss upon the sight? His eyes shone with such brightness and the laughter that seeped from his full, red lips sounded like ringing bells on a wedding day.

Taekwoon stopped smiling abruptly.  
His eyes widened, and his stomach churned.  
This happiness that laid before him -  
He wanted to destroy it.  
It had been so long that he had almost forgotten.

Taekwoon is a killer, and at that moment where he was in bliss, taking in the view of Hakyeon's smile, he wanted to kill. 

"Taekwoon?" Hakyeon's smile slowly faded. "What's wrong?"  
Taekwoon lowered his head in shame and guilt. He could only painfully lie. "No, it's nothing."  
  
Taekwoon can't kill him. He could never.  
Hakyeon was finally smiling with his heart and with his entire soul.  
He could not bear to destroy it with his own hands even if his mind desired to kill.

 

When VIXX's promotions were over, they were allowed a break.  
  
"I bought this today. Shall we watch it?" Hakyeon held up a DVD, smiling from ear to ear.  
Hakyeon was sat on Taekwoon's lap, the singer's arms wrapped securely around his waist. The movie only ended up being background noise, however. Neither of them seemed to be paying much attention to the film.  
Hakyeon leaned in to gently rest his forehead against Taekwoon's, a small playful smile lingering upon his lips. 

They were close, so close.

Taekwoon's hands traveled from Hakyeon's waist, along his clothed chest, and further up. His hands paused for a second, fingers naturally wrapping around Hakyeon's neck. It was soft and warm under his touch.

Taekwoon could kill Hakyeon right there and then.  
He could tighten his grip, and Hakyeon would choke and moan so prettily, gasping for air and begging to be released. Taekwoon felt his heart race in excitement just from imagining it.  
Hakyeon still wanted to die, didn't he? He always wished for it.  
It wouldn't be a crime if the victim wanted it, right? _Right?  
_He could do it now.  
_Now!_

Taekwoon's hands trembled. He lifted his gaze to meet Hakyeon's and instantly drew a breath in sharply.  
His hands dropped to his side.  
He couldn't.

He had only realized it then - Taekwoon had fallen in love.  
He couldn't kill Hakyeon. Not when he wanted him alive. Not when he wanted Hakyeon all to himself, well and happy.

"You've always been too soft, Jung Taekwoon," Hakyeon whispered.  
If Taekwoon heard right, there was a hint of disappointment in Hakyeon's voice.

  
+

The rest of the night was an entire blur. It seemed as though Taekwoon was in some sort of _dream -_ slow and messy.  
  
He could barely make out what was going on other than Hakyeon's lewd body trapped below him, arms raised above. Taekwoon was holding his wrists down, fucking into him hard, fast. Hakyeon's face flushed a crimson red, eyes wet with tears. His lips quivered and parted widely. It seemed as though he was screaming, but Taekwoon heard not a thing.

 

Taekwoon found himself in an unfamiliar room the next day. A wet patched had formed on the front of his boxers, his cock still leaking with pre-cum.  
Beneath his feet laid a woman's body mutilated beyond recognition.

He could not remember how he got home after but the moment his front door shut behind him, Taekwoon collapsed to the ground.  
Hakyeon was sat by the kitchen counter, oblivious.  
Taekwoon shakily stood up, legs trembling in fear. The words slipped from his lips before he could even think.

 

"I killed."


	4. Death

Silence.

 

Taekwoon felt a bead of sweat roll down from his temple to his cheek. His eyes quaked, yet his gaze remained solely on Hakyeon.

"Who?"

Taekwoon watched as Hakyeon slowly turned to face him, face expression unreadable. His fingers drummed lightly on the wooden surface of the kitchen counter.

Taekwoon swallowed. "Does it matter?"

The kitchen stool clattered to the floor when Hakyeon stood up quickly. Taekwoon felt a shiver run down his spine as he made eye contact with the other. 

"Yes, it _matters_ , Jung Taekwoon." Hakyeon's grip on the kitchen counter tightened. "You promised that I would be your first after that stylist."

Taekwoon hadn't expected this. He'd thought Hakyeon would panic and worry. That he would fret and at least made sure Taekwoon was safe and unhurt. Something he would do 10 years prior to the incident.

So it was true. Hakyeon still wanted to die.

"But I...thought you're happy now."

"Happy?" Hakyeon scoffed. He doubled-over, high pitched laughter slipping from between his lips. "How can I be happy, Taekwoon? I've been locked up for years for a crime that I didn't commit. I'm the victim and I've suffered all this while. Because of you."

Taekwoon shook his head furiously. "No. No...It's not my fault."

"Do you know what I see when I look at you?" Hakyeon's eyes flashed darkly as he continued, "You're weak. Pathetic. You aren't the strong man that people deem you to be. You ran the minute I was sent to prison. You couldn't face me. Why?"

"Hakyeon, stop. Please."

"It's because of the way you look at me, Taekwoon. Isn't it?" Hakyeon spat, voice full of hate and bitterness. "The way you rake my body. I've seen your eyes flash as whatever pure and dark impure thoughts run through your mind." He paused, briefly, before lips parted once more, "You should have been the one locked up."

Taekwoon backed into the wall, continuously shaking his head in denial. "No! I never- I would never. Hakyeon, you're wrong. I never did anything to you-"

"Liar!"

Taekwoon's fist came into contact with the wall,  bits of concrete and debris crumbling to the floor. Hakyeon did not flinch.

"Are you getting mad at me now, Taekwoonie?" He accused, voice dropping to a whisper. "Or are you - scared?"

 "I'm not! I'm not scared! Or angry. I'm- It's you, Hakyeon. You're just heated up because-"

"Because I'm right!" Hakyeon hissed. "You were there that night!"

 

Taekwoon felt the entire world stop. His eyes grew wide.

"That night when she came onto me. I begged her to stop but you- You stood there and watched as it all happened. When she dug her nails into my skin and-"

"Stop."

"She tainted my skin with her own bare hands. And you, oh _innocent_ Jung Taekwoon, the only witness that bore the truth. Tell me, Taekwoon. What did you do?"

"Stop it."

" _Tell me what you did!_ " The scream ripped from Hakyeon's throat.

Taekwoon felt his mind whirl around, continuously as the images flashed in his mind. Images of his hand gripping at a slim, tanned waist. Fingers curled in forbidden places, and his filthy, large cock buried deep within Hakyeon.

"She fucked me and you _watched_." Hakyeon's eyes blurred with tears as he choked over his own words. "But watching just wasn't enough for you, was it? You disgusting freak!"

"No...no...it wasn't- That wasn't me!" Taekwoon now had his face buried in his hands as he spluttered. 

"Did you think I wouldn't remember? She may have tainted my skin, but you _ruined_ me." 

There was a loud shatter when Taekwoon reached out to smash his hand through the glass of his display cabinet. "Cha Hakyeon. Stop it." 

Blood slowly seeped from Taekwoon's wound, dripping to the floor. Hakyeon raised his head in disdain, all knowingly.

"I love you." Taekwoon begged, his eyes brimming with tears. "You know I would never hurt you..."

"You love me?"

Tears streamed down the singer's face. Hakyeon remained stoic.

"But I will never love you." Hakyeon spoke loud and clear, enunciating every single word. "You are not worthy of love."

 

That was the final straw for Jung Taekwoon.

He lunged forward, shoving Hakyeon aggressively to the ground. Taekwoon's hands, bloodied and dusted with dry paint, lifted up to imprint upon Hakyeon's beautiful, beautiful neck - so strained with thin streaks of blue veins appearing just before the surface of his golden skin. 

"I love you! That's all I ever did! I just wanted to hold you in my arms," Taekwoon snarled, "But you and that stupid bitch went off and did it behind my back. I came back to you displayed out on the ground, bare from head to toe, looking like you were asking for it. You've been fucked already yet you still wanted more? You moaned my name so lewdly. How could I fucking stop?"

Hakyeon pried at the other's arms, gasping and wheezing for air as his legs kicked in desperateness. Taekwoon's grip only tightened, crying as he pushed down harder.

However, there was a gleam of true happiness in Hakyeon's eyes just before they rolled back into his head.

He has won.

"This is what you deserve." Hakyeon managed to choke out his last words. And finally, finally, his body went limp.

 

Taekwoon stood there, his fingers still curled around his beloved's neck. 

* * *

 

Hongbin had only just arrived back to the dorm, settling down in his arm chair by his desk when the news came out that Hakyeon was no longer with them.

Hongbin immediately felt bile rise up his throat.

Suicide, they confirmed. Hakyeon was found hung to his death in Taekwoon's apartment room.

 

Just as he was leaving his room in a rush, Hongbin noticed there was a letter placed neatly on his desk. On the bottom corner of the envelope was an illustration of a small stickman drawn with marker caught his attention. He'd recognize that drawing anywhere.

Hongbin ripped the envelope hastily to get the content out. In it was a piece of paper, folded rather carefully into a small square. His heart thumped against his chest heavily as he unfolded it.

A single phrase was written neatly in the center of the paper.

 _Don't let the cat out of the bag._  
Suffocate it.  
Torture it.

Hongbin frowned, feeling perplexed, as he flip the page over for more information but nothing else was found. Instead, he reached back into the envelope to pull out a flash drive.

 

* * *

_2 months since Hakyeon's death_  

 **Headlines:** VIXX to disband after years of success.

 

Taekwoon came home one night to find a flash drive laid on his kitchen counter. A sticky note was stuck next to it.

_"Never forget your sins." - Hakyeon_

Taekwoon's eyes widened and he quickly shoved the flash drive into his laptop. A video labelled "To Jung Taekwoon" popped on his screen. He clicked on it.

The screen was black at first, nothing but rustling sounds could be hear.

 _  
"Move out of the way."_ Sanghyuk's voice. It was playful and mischievous.

_"What is this mess?"_

Wonsik.

_"I didn't gather all the equipment for you guys to break it!"_

Hongbin. 

It was loud and noisy. An unedited footage. The screen remained black until a hand removed from the lens to reveal Hakyeon sitting on a chair, slouching a little while he watched the members move about behind the camera in amusement.  
Taekwoon felt a lump grow in his throat.

The camera moved slightly and Sanghyuk's voice was heard. _"Oh! It's already on? You can speak now, hyung."_

Hakyeon titled his head. _"Huh? Just like that? But I'm not ready-"_

_"Three, two, one- Action!"_

_Hakyeon cleared his throat, shifting his seating position so that he was looking more poised._

_"To my forever lifelong friend,  
_ _you've always been there for me since day one. I appreciate everything you've done for me, the members, and for VIXX.  
_ _You're always stealing my food, but you're not going to continue betraying me, are you?"_

_Hakyeon laughed, and from the side, a hand reached out to poke at his neck._

_"Okay, next!"  
_Jaehwan ushered Hakyeon off his seat, and the leader laughed. He escaped from the singer's hold and rushed over to the camera, cupping the lens as he cooed happily.

Taekwoon felt his heart stop upon seeing Hakyeon smile that gorgeous bright smile of his.

_"Taekwoonie, I love you! Happy Birthday!"_

 

Taekwoon slumped to the ground, face buried in his hands as he cried his heart out.

 **Breaking news:**  
Jung Taekwoon, singer of recently disbanded group VIXX confessed to rape and murder of ex-leader Cha Hakyeon.


End file.
